Egocentrism

late-night introspection

So, it’s 2:30 am and I’ve officially given up on completing my online Math assignment due later today. I would love to say that at least I’m 7 questions in, but there are 17 questions in total and I barely understand what I’m doing. Whatevs tho. There’s always the possibility of an early wake up call tomorrow morning.

On another note, it’s conclusive: I’ve completely renounced to the idea of ever becoming a fashion blogger. After multiple attempts (something like 3 or 4) at fashion blogging, I have finally come to the conclusion that that art is most certainly not for me. I honestly believe the main cause of that discordance is the fact that I solely began fashion blogging in the goal of becoming something like a male version of Tavi Gevinson, circa her eccentric tween beginnings. As crazy and immature as that may sound, it is completely true. I was young and rather pitifully jealous of that girl’s sudden rise to stardom. To be quite honest, I always wondered why such incredible luck had bechanced her instead of myself or the millions of other teenagers who enjoyed both fashion and writing as much as she did. To this day, I am still astounded by how intense my childish envy was.

Fast-forward something like 3 or 4 years later to the present day, and man am I happy I didn’t become the prodigy fashion blogger I had so dearly dreamed of being. Now that I have this new WordPress platform dissociated from the oversaturated sea of fashion blogs that is Blogger, I can say quite frankly that I’m so over fashion blogging and what it has regrettably become. As aforementioned, it was never for me and never will be. As much as I still gush over fashion and the captivatingly insular world attached to it, I simply cannot stand the reductive shallowness that plays such a big role in its existence. It’s that same superficiality being obsessed with transient trends and rapidly obsolete garments that has made me doubt oh so much the prospect of ever having a career in the fashion industry. To put it lightly, fashion is my guilty pleasure. I allow myself to indulge in it on a daily basis, though I am fully aware it is against the values of altruism and other good shit of the sort I, like most people, would like my life to be centered around. The paradox of my #firstworldproblem life is that I would love to live the glamorous and totally care-free life of a fashion-editor, yet I simply cannot permit myself to throw away the potential I (and everyone else for that matter) have in helping improve life for all. As cheesy as that may sound, c’est la vérité. If my one year of IB English has taught me anything it is certainly how to describe a cognitive dissonance, be it that of a literary character or of myself.

So, now where do I stand? To be perfectly honest, I do not even know. All I know is that I have matured, both in my interests and in blogging. Long gone are the days when I would peruse random fashion blogs and leave insincere comments on posts in a feeble attempt to gain followers. Yes, I was that person who cared so much about being “popular” and having a shit-ton of followers that he was ready to compromise his own (blogging) integrity. Also long gone are the days where I was on the verge of losing sight of what I value most in blogging: having my own voice. To believe I was so ready to shell my personal writing integrity for popularity-driven conformity. Thank God those days are in the past because now I sincerely couldn’t give two shits about having followers. Screw the revenue from advertising, the free clothes and the invites that must fashion bloggers ultimately aspire to attain: that shit is so passé. As fun as it is to have people reading my writing on a regular basis and the benefits that come with a large following, I now know that is not my ultimate goal. Instead, I would rather simply have a place where I can record my thoughts, no matter how ludicrous they may be, for my own personal benefit. I guess you can sorta say that blog is my attempt at catching up for my childhood years that I spent without a diary. Be it close to a decade later, it still is better late than never. Typical philosophy of an immigrant, if you ask me.

With all that said, one element of fashion blogging that I still wish to retain is the outfit post. Though it is a blatant demonstration of my egocentric nature, I don’t really care. Since last year when I was finally able to wear whatever the hell I wanted to school, I began to put a lot of time and effort in creating my daily outfits just for the sake of challenging myself to define my own personal style. Though I have no veritable style icons, I have however always admired those few people, both fashion celebrities and everyday people, who possess such an effortless style that you can’t help but gawk in awe. Like them, I want to be able to wake up in the morning and nonchalantly throw on some clothes and leave the house feeling confident and ready for whatever the day has waiting for me. As shallow as it may sound, an undeniable source of my confidence originates from being happy with how I look and, consequently, how I present myself. Despite the fact that it is often said that one only tries to look good in an attempt to attract someone’s attention, I think that is false. I honestly believe confidence is fundamentally about being proud of who you are, be it throw your style or personality, simply because you truly are pleased with yourself and what you’ve become. In my case, the most important person to I strive to impress, after God naturellement, is myself. Accordingly, I view life as a fashion show. So, have fun and strut away. Might as well take pictures of yourself while you’re at it.

#legit The Hudson’s Bay Company jacket – Vintage
varsity-style sweater –
Value Village
button-down Oxford shirt – Old Navy
pants – Urban Planet

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How this post digressed so rapidly, I have no idea. All I do know is its 4am and I’m still infatuated with both these songs though they’ve been on-repeat for the past couple of days. As a relatively recent discovery spawned by the astounding “Mirror Maru”, Cashmere Cat holds a very dear spot in my bass-loving musical heart. Accordingly, me falling in love with his excellent remix of my girl Lana Del Rey’s summertime anthem was nothing short of destiny. No joke.

Similarly  when it comes to Star Slinger’s remix of LOL Boys’ “Changes”, it was a typical case of love at first hear once that single initial beat kicked in. Though I wish I could say more about my love for the track, it’s as simple as everything that Star Slinger touches is musical gold. Plus, it’s late and I suck about describing music.

One thought on “late-night introspection

  1. Pingback: boring is so cliché | the aloof hipster

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