So ya, it seriously has been the longest of times since I last did an outfit post. However, I must state that it isn’t out of a lack of totes bloggable outfits on my part, but instead simply another case of the usual laziness that seems to plague all my thoughts and actions (i.e. Post Finals Syndrome). I mean, you try pretentiously dressing up simply for the sake of forcing someone to take pictures of you, instead of lying in bed doing shit-all. Clearly, the prospect of partaking in such egocentric tendencies is not something I’m necessarily fond of. Sometimes I seriously wonder how legit fashion bloggers are able to do this on a daily basis and still take themselves seriously.
Whatevs tho, that’s obvi #bloggerlyfe.
(said with an ironic tone and followed by many an eyeroll)
Anyhow, seeing as this weekend was sorta my first offish (that’s abbrevs slang for official, #leduh) weekend off from the daily torment (lol jk) that is having a 9-5 desk job, I decided to celebrate this momentous occasion by, you guessed it, unleashing the inner safari hipster in me. Though some may say that I took the concept of an “urban jungle” a bit too seriously, I retort: if there’s a will (to wear a safari jacket in a #totes amaze metropolis like Montreal), then you better believe that I’ll find a damn way (to wear said safari jacket in said urban context).
If I were to abide by antiquated stereotypes, I would dub this look: African hipster exploring his inner ethos via safari vibez and monochrome desert hues.
Alas, bitch please.
The funny story (spoiler alert: it isn’t funny) about this safari jacket is that it’s actually been lying in my closet for the past 3 years. I bought it during my early Value Village thrift shopping days, otherwise known as the period during which I was transitioning from a confused tween into a full-fledged hipster. Hence, the decision to ring in such a transformation through VV-hauls and safari jackets. But seriously though, you know something was going on in my puberty-laden brain for me to actually believe that a damn safari jacket was an essential item in the closet of a 15-year-old. I mean damn, like wtf? But whatevs, with this already being the 3rd time of me wearing this Halloweekend-worthy (but actually tho) piece, clearly I was on to something, even at such a young and obvi very confused age.
Coincidentally enough, if I’m correct, the last time I ever wore this jacket (i.e. 2 years ago) was when I first got my hair cut into a classic, 80s-reminiscent high-top. In other words, the last time I wore this jacket I was laughed at from across the street because of my wannabe-nostalgic hair. Evidently, this jacket has been with me through the highs and the many lows of my evolution into a Montreal hipster.
Ahhh, good times.
As this is my first outfit post of the summer, I must introduce you guys to what has now become my summer uniform. So, as I live in Montreal which is in Canada which is a country that’s known for how shitty and cold it gets during the long-ass winter season, I’m perpetually layered up like a pretentious (male) nun during those numerous, snow-filled, bone-chilling winter months. Therefore, once summer hits and the weather warms up to something tolerable, I literally shed all those damn layers of clothes, and instead embrace a more carefree, I daresay, slutty approach to dressing. Thus, seeing as summer is all about basking in the Sun as its rays poetically dance all over your skin, I make the Sun’s job that much easier by wearing as little as possible. In other words, for me, summer is all about (get ready for the IB-English-worthy metaphor) ditching your cocoon of winter garments, in order to metamorphose into a totes #fashunable, hipster butterfly (or whatever).
Therefore, to accomplish this rather daunting task of sluttifying myself for the sake of fully enjoying the warmth of summer and its bountiful vibez, my estival uniform consists solely of the most revealing of t-shirts (i.e. American Apparel’s Le New Big Tee) and the shortest of shorts (without looking like I’m not wearing any, obvi). The funny story (spoiler alert: it’s still not funny) about my summertime look is that before (i.e. when I was still the aforementioned confused tween clearly reeling from the confusing effects of puberty), I was so afraid of showing any skin whatsoever, even during the summer months. Accordingly, my shorts always fell pats my knees and my t-shirts always covered my collarbones. Now, well, it’s the complete opposite. I mean, my summer fashun mantra is after all “if you’ve got it flaunt it.”
Hence, the excessive showing of my collarbones and my legs.
On a final note, though before I was adamant on purchasing these shoes, I tried them on, and ya, end of story. Like, honestly, never before have I willingly put on something that made my feet look so damn huge and totes unproportional to my lanky-ass frame. Plus, on top of fitting like shit, their lime-green-meets-neon-cyber-puke colour was really ugly in real life. So like no, I’m so not about that life of retro sneaks, no matter how on trend and totes Tumblr-able they might be.
With that said, as I was leaving the store after having tried on those atrocities, these babies caught my eye. I mean, I have always had a thing for chartreuse (hence my appeal to said atrocities), so it was naturally love at first sight when I saw them. As someone who wholly refuses to run (like, what’s the point?) and also despises everyone and anyone who takes it upon themself to show off and actually run in public, did I need these shoes? Hell to the no. However, as a full-fledged, #fashun hipster, did I want them. Obvi.
So ya, that’s that I guess.
#legit National Geographic safari jacket – Value Village
collarbone-exposing t-shirt – American Apparel
striped pants – American Apparel
leather pouch (NOT A CLUTCH) – American Apparel
“running” shoes (no running was done tho) – Nike
So guys, this song is legit the shit. Though I pretty much describe all songs I post about like that, this one really is the shit. If you don’t believe me, just watch this. If you’re too lazy to click a damn link, here’s the summary: Melo X composed this remix LIVE. Yup, you read right, this insanely talented artist totes came up with this tribal-drum-beat-meets-melancholic-LDR-whispering on the spot. Now I dare you to tell me that isn’t the shit.
Like, holy shit.