Musings

new year, same me

I want, I daresay, need to create. But, the problem is I just don’t know how.

As peculiar as that confession may sound, it remains true. It seems, over the course of the past term, I have lost my ability to reconcile the multitude of thoughts, ideas and contradictory beliefs that I am sure plague the minds of most, and have instead adopted an approach that is as detrimental to my ability to create as it is to my grip on reality.

Essentially, it always begins with me starting something a novel project, getting frustrated, commencing anew, giving up, and finally withdrawing to Facebook in order to wallow in my self-pity. If you can relate, you know how much of a bitch that entire process is. If you can’t, kudos to you, and I pray that you never will.

Though this self-martyrization is evidently a slight exaggeration of the frustrating experience that has become my creative process, it nonetheless remains a faithfully evocative depiction of my irrational desire to do so damn much at the same time, despite the incapacitating nature of my unrealistic lust for perfection and avid fear of failure.

On a happier note, at least my penchant for dramatization has remained intact, am I right?

But actually though, my primordial resolution for this new year is definitely to develop a greater ability to focus. During a revelatory shower, I realized that, as important as academic results may be to my future, the disappointment and melodramatic sorrow they routinely bring me most certainly are reflective of significance each mark possesses in the grand scheme of things. So, instead of wasting so much of my time focusing on the often trivial nature of letter-grades, I am vowing to concentrate embracing creativity, as unrelated to academics as it may be.

Thus, for 2014, I strive to re-learn how to create by embracing failure as a necessary step in the creative process, eschewing perfection as it is unattainable and unnecessary, and appreciating each experience that accompanies trying something new.

So, as cliché as this may sound, here’s to 2014, and new domains, both creative and virtual.

xoxo,

chukwubuikem nnebe.

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